When Your To-Do List Breeds Resentment
Let’s be honest: many of us are carrying more than just our load.
We look at our to-do lists and realise - half of it isn’t even for us. It’s for the people in our lives: partners, kids, parents, colleagues, friends, clients.
At first, it might feel like love, duty, or responsibility.
But over time, when our own needs are sidelined and our bandwidth is stretched, something sneaky can creep in: resentment.
What is resentment?
Resentment is a lingering, low-grade anger or bitterness that builds when we feel unacknowledged, unappreciated, or taken for granted. It often grows in silence and is fed by unmet expectations, especially the ones we don’t express.
It’s not just about what we do, but what we keep doing - often without being asked, thanked, or considered.
Where does it come from?
Resentment can stem from:
Doing things for others out of habit, not choice
Carrying the mental load for a household or team
Saying yes when we mean no
Prioritising others’ needs above our own - again and again
When our to-do list becomes a reflection of everyone else’s needs, and we stop seeing ourselves on the page, resentment is often not far behind.
How does it show up?
It doesn’t always shout. Sometimes it’s subtle:
Snapping at loved ones for “small” things
Procrastinating on tasks that feel like obligations
Feeling drained, invisible, or emotionally checked out
Wishing someone would just notice what you’ve been holding
And here's the catch: we often keep doing the tasks anyway, even as we build resentment around them.
How does this affect our productivity and peace?
When your to-do list is filled with tasks that don’t align with your own values, goals, or priorities, everything starts to feel heavier. Motivation fades. Creativity dries up. You get stuck in reaction mode - crossing things off, but not moving forward.
Resentment turns your list into a source of stress, not momentum. And it blurs the lines between what you choose to do and what you feel obligated to do.
What can you do when you notice this?
1. Audit your to-do list
Look at it right now. Ask:
Which tasks are truly mine?
Which are for others - and why am I doing them?
Am I acting out of love, obligation, fear, habit?
2. Name the resentment
You don’t need to shame yourself for feeling it. You just need to see it clearly.
Ask: What do I wish they knew? What do I need that I haven’t expressed?
3. Set (or reset) boundaries
Can you delegate, delay, or delete anything from your list?
Can you check in with the people in your life and say, “I’ve been doing a lot lately. I need to pull back a little for my own well-being.”
A quick journaling exercise: Reclaim Your List
Take 5 minutes. Split your list into three columns:
For Me
For Others
Shared or Negotiable
Notice the balance. Then write:
One thing you’ll take off your list this week
One thing you’ll say no to (or not now)
One thing you’ll do just for yourself
Final thoughts
You don’t need to stop being helpful, thoughtful, or generous.
But you do need space to be a whole human - not just someone else’s support system.
Resentment is a signal, not a flaw. It’s there to let you know when something needs adjusting. When your list becomes a reflection of your choices, not just your obligations, everything feels lighter.
Because at the end of the day, you deserve to be on your list, too.
